One week ago today I was at my brother's house in Florida. We were actually square dancing in his carport. This was the party after the memorial service for my Dad. Daddy died on August 16, 2011 at about 7 AM.
He was 71 years old. It is so hard for me to remember Daddy as he was most of his life, strong and confident. He battled Parkinson Disease for over 12 years. He had it for much longer than that. This disease stole so much from my family, from me. I hate it. I couldn't even cry for him because I had already cried so much over the last 18 months. To watch him go from a proud man who stood strong, hugged hard and lived well to a man in a body that failed him, a human with a mind that was playing tricks on him and in the end he was so child-like that he had to have even the most basic of needs taken care of by another person.
On the last night I was there I slipped into his bedroom knelt by his bed and rubbed his head as he slept, my tears dripped on his hand and arm as I prayed for him to sleep peacefully. I recall how his hair felt, he had just had a fresh buzz done a few days earlier. I kissed his forehead and whispered "I love you" and "see you later". I never did.
Things got in the way of me making my way back to see him. This will be another one of my many regrets in life.
We attempted to honor him in the memorial service but it felt really hollow because he couldn't hear the nice things being said. Made me mad to see people that hadn't seen Dad or attempted to speak to him in years came to celebrate his death. Why didn't you come and see him when he was living??? Why did you wait? Why did I wait?
On the other hand I was glad to see people that I had not seen in years but why do we wait till a death or a wedding to see and contact people that we like.
I have decided life is too short to wait anymore. I want to talk to, write to, go see people that I love and care about. I want to do this often.
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